Please tell me...

These are great questions to pass the time! I am sure some of you have come accross them before...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


DID YOU EVER WONDER....

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who on earth was brave enough to eat a lobster for the first time?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Great archaeological moments

2 questions always come up when teaching 1st year archaeology students.

1. Is it really like Indiana Jones?
2. What amazing stuff have you found?

The answers are easy. To the first question - NO. The answer to the second is a good blog entry and it sticks to the top 5 list fever going around...

My Top 5 Archaeological Finds (in no particular order)

2nd year undergrad

I worked at a Stone Age site called Olieboomspoort. It's near the Waterberg in the northern Highveld. After days of excavating nothing but coprolite and nearly insignificant clumps and slowly realizing that I will never be a Stone Age archaeologist, I unearthed the most beautiful stone tool I had ever seen. It was a small bright green scraper that had been frequently used and lovingly retouched. It was perfect. After thousands of years in the dirt, you could still see how it was held and how effective it would have been.

3rd year undergrad

I was able to work at the now heritage Iron Age site, Kaditshwene (kud-it-chweni), also far in the north. Iron Age sites are always a lot more exciting because the things you find are a little more "modern" and large scale. I tackled a 1m x 1m square early one morning and constantly found scattered beads and polished stones but nothing fantastic. Now you have to imagine brushing away sand for hours in the hot african sun and only being rewarded with a teeny tiny bead. It can get disheartening! But at around 3pm I noticed some unusual colours - pink, green, purple. Strange since I was making my way through 50cm of brown soil. I started brushing more carefully and saw that the colour spread over almost my whole square. It was a complete burnt mudbrick floor. Now I know this might not seem exciting to you but for an archaeologist it's awesome. These floors just don't survive hundreds of years!

Also 3rd year

I found an amazing polished bone tool at Olieboomspoort later that year. It was about 10cm long and fairly thin and almost looked like one of those really fat leather needles. It was associated with at least 50 ostrich eggshell beads, perfectly round and sculpted and some not so sculpted
yet. It was as if someone had left their afternoon activity of making themselves a bead bracelet or anklet for us to find.

Honour's year

I worked on a few different Iron Age sites in the Limpopo Valley, near the Botswana border. It was here we battled with mole-like rodents destroying our perfect excavation squares and dealt with elephants walking through our site. The elephants were scary, the rodents were just annoying.

It's a famous area with famous sites. You might know one - Mapungubwe. It's where archaeologists found the golden rhino. We excavated in this area and found the most beautiful blue, green, red and yellow glass beads. They are small, round or rectangular, delicate and bright. These tiny, handcrafted beauties made with imported glass provide us with evidence of ancient trade with Asia and the Middle East.

Same year, same area

About 1m down I found a bone. It was a tiny phalanx (finger). As I carefully removed more and more sand, I found a skull cap and realized I was uncovering a burial. It was of a child, approximately 5 years old or so. It was the first time I had encountered human remains like this and was quite unnerved. I felt like I was intruding and I felt quite sad! But I got over it. I found a lot of associated grave goods that were just amazing. Bracelets and necklaces made from glass and ostrich eggshell beads and clay figurines that looked like toys. This find made such an impact on me and it is what led me to the work I do today.

So, not Indiana Jones but exciting none the less! Enough to give me goosebumps...

You never know what you will find.

Lately, I have been stuck in the bowels of the Iziko Museum (previously the South African Museum) looking for ancient teeth. I have to find and analyse these teeth as part of my research. My experience is just like you see in the movies. A dark, musty warehouse dotted with artificial light and filled with hundreds of boxes, each covered in a layer of dust on shelves that reach the ceiling. It is cold, very quiet and fairly creepy. Being surrounded by skeletons doesn't help. All these boxes are filled with archaeological material found over the last century or more. The boxes I am interested in are the one's marked 'Human Skeletal Remains' (Twanji, just breathe). These hunter-gatherer remains are from archaeological sites around South Africa and date from approximately 500 years ago to about 9000 years ago. They were catalogued, boxed and stored in the museum since the 1920's. But this is not what I want to tell you. While going through these boxes I have found some interesting things - besides the bones.

Strange and very old containers have been used to store loose teeth and fragile small bones. Old containers like little decorated pill boxes and ancient cigarette cases of brands I have never heard of. The most interesting find was a newspaper that was protecting some skull fragments. It was the 'La Tribune de Geneve' dated November 16, 1939. It was amazing to see faces from that time staring back at me. There were articles on the war, on the postal service and something to do with government. If I could read French, I would have been able to understand more. You could buy a teddy bear for 1.35 - Franks, I assume and cheese for even less. There was also a cartoon about Hitler and some crosswords and games for the kids. It was great reading! The world was very different then.

What else happened in November 1939?

World War II news

• Japanese forces advanced into southern China.
• The British government declared a blockade on German imports.
• The Red Army invaded Finland.
• Germany formally annexed western Poland into the German Reich.
• Joseph Stalin formally annexed eastern Poland into the Soviet Union. (Shame, poor Poland!)

Other news

• Baseball: The youngest of the three DiMaggio brothers, Dom DiMaggio, was bought for $40,000 by the Boston Red Sox from San Francisco.
• Apparently, its the release of Volume 1, issue #3 of the Superman comics and the creation of Batman.
• Blogger won't let me upload the cover of Vogue magazine. Its a pic of a woman in a red suit with a chicken. "FASHION MEETS THE CHALLENGE OF WAR"
• George S. Kaufman, playwright and humourist was on the cover of Time Magazine for this week.
• Ernest Orlando Lawrence gets the Nobel Prize for Physics (uranium-isotope separation in the Manhattan Project).
• Top grosing films are Gone with the Wind and Wizard of Oz.
• Margaret Atwood, novelist and poet, is born.
• Interesting reads: Coming up for Air by George Orwell, The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck and Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats by T.S. Elliot.
• Cole Porter was the music favourite.

I have worked in retail too long.

After working in a bookshop for nearly 5 years, it still amazes me that people come into the shop to buy a book but they don't actually read. Before you get all confused, let me clarify. The people that come into the bookshop buy a book to read and most likely go home and read it. What I am referring to is everything else printed around them. It infuriates me that people are just not aware and are to damn lazy to take note. Let me illustrate with an example or two.

1. I cannot tell you how many times I have dealt with a customer who does not know what shop he/she is in because they didn’t read the sign at the door! Now there are not a lot of bookshop chains in South Africa. In fact, there are only 3, one of which sells more stationary than books. The chain that I work for is the biggest and all the freaking shops look the same! You really don’t have to be paying much attention to know where you are.

2. Head Office is currently revamping our store so we have moved to a temporary shop down the hall. The old shop is boarded up and there are AT LEAST ten big signs (I am not exaggerating) spread out at the old shop, new shop and in between explaining why we are closed, the location of the temporary shop (with a big damn arrow pointing you in the right direction) and the date of the reopening. It is obviously not enough. People come in all the time complaining that we should put up signs so that they know where to find us. Even when I am standing right next to one of these posters explaining EVERYTHING, I am always asked: “So, what are you guys doing?” and “When are you opening the new shop?” and “Is this a temporary shop?” and “Why haven’t you put up a few signs?” We are also not selling newspapers in the temporary shop because it is a real pain in the ass. So we put up a sign right at the counter that says “Sorry, no newspapers.” Enquiring minds are so entertaining, especially when the 37th customer of the day comes up to me and asks if we have newspapers. And I have to be nice to these people?@%#$^?!

3. People are far too lazy. Many come to buy a book but are not willing to read the short and informative 4-line blurb to see what the book is about. It is a lot easier for them to hound the poor bookseller at the counter who has obviously read all 40 000 titles in stock and can recall what each one was about at the drop of a hat. I am amazed that people actually get upset with me when I tell them that I have not read the latest Jodi Picoult or Jackie Collins. Book clubs are the worst! They come in to buy or apro up to 10 books and are far too lazy to choose books for themselves. The bookseller then has to guess what kind of books the club will enjoy because all the book clubs say the same thing: “We read everything.” When you then recommend a Coupland or Palahniuk they wrinkle their noses and say “That’s not for us.” So, I have realized that when they say they read everything, it usually means that they only read main stream light and fluffy chick books.

Please don’t get me wrong. I am all for great service and I am good at my job. I am more than willing to help you within reason and if I do, you will leave the store feeling satisfied that you bought the right book and maybe feel a bit more informed about the books that are out there. I also know that not all customers are bad and many have had aweful service and experiences. I just wish that they would realize that people who work at night and on the weekend are most likely students working part-time. We are therefore busy people. We don’t have time to read everything and surprisingly don’t like every book and every genre. We also don't appreciate it when we are faced with rudeness and antagonism when the recommendations are not easily forthcoming. So maybe you (the customer) could use that amazing brain of yours, put a lid on that temper, leave us alone and choose your own damn book.