Today, tomorrow, together

I have a Pick 'n Pay Go Banking debit card that works like a credit card. I call it my Amazon card because I use it for internet purchases and I only ever buy from the great and powerful Amazon.co.uk. I need this textbook that only they have and as usual I put money into the account and log on and purchase. I get this nasty little email back saying that my payment has been declined and order therefore cancelled. Alarm bells go off and I start wondering where the hell my R600 has gone.

I usually pay money into my Pick 'n Pay account at a Nedbank teller but this time, I transferred it electronically. I had called Go Banking to find out what they needed as reference for the transfer and I was told all that they need is my name and account number. I frantically check that I sent the money to the correct account and that the numbers and names are all accurate. They are. So I go to Nedbank. I explain my sad story and ask, ever so politely "where is my money?" I am told that the money is not in my card (and I am thinking -- duh!). The teller asks me if I used the correct account number and account holder name. I say, "Yes, I did." Since I bank with Absa and I sent the money electronically from Absa, she suggested I go and talk to them. Makes sense.

At Absa another friendly teller lady is baffled by my dilemma. After gazing at me (for what seemed like forever) with a very confused expression on her face, (you can just see the cogs working) she asked if I had used the correct account number. "Yes, I have." Correct name of the account holder? "Yes, I have." Click, click, click on her little computer and many uh-huh and hmmm's later she tells me that the money is sitting in a dormant Absa suspense account that Pick 'n Pay used to use. This means nothing to me. I enquire as to how I get my money out of this strange money stealing account. I get that same confused stare... She then disappeared saying she will call the internet banking people and see what they say. And I wait... and wait... and wait. I am then approached by a supervisor of sorts who wants to know the story. After telling her she asks me if I used the correct account number and account holder details. "Yes, I did."

By now I am not as calm and collected as I was 2 hours ago when I decided to sort this out. I am told that Go Banking (run by Nedbank) must allocate the funds to my account and the money will be released immediately. They give me proof of the successful transfer and the details of the evil money stealing account. I go back to Nedbank. I tell the now very long and complicated story to three different people as I get passed up the food chain. Each of them asking me if I used the correct account number. "Yes, I did."

I am told that Go Banking is not part of Nedbank (Huh?). Obviously, 'run by Nedbank' is bank code for 'we have nothing to do with Go Banking, they just use our operating system.' I think I am in the twilight zone! Finally (now 3 hours and counting), they phone Go Banking. I speak to a not so helpful James who stupidly asked if I had used the right account number. "YES!" He asks me if I am sure. "I am not a moron James. Lets move on." He cannot help me. He claims it is an Absa problem. I wonder if anyone I know has a machine gun or a stash of explosives.

They then phone Absa. I am given the name and fax number of an Absa consultant who wants me to fax her proof of the successful transaction (which I have in my hand), proof of identity and proof of the Go Banking account number and account holder (they don't believe me) but only tomorrow because the banks are now closed.

So I faxed this morning. I now wait with baited breath for Absa to get back to me. I now know why their slogan is 'today, tomorrow, together.' It's because today they can't help you and you will wait until tomorrow. Together because who the hell else are you going to go to when they have hijacked your money!